You are 22 months old lady. Can you believe that? You are amazing, you are wonderful. You bring so much meaning to my life it’s unbelievable. You helped people today. A lot of people. I took you with me to a funeral today and was a little nervous because you’re not so much into sitting still. And to top it all off they ushered us to the front row – right across from Dana and his family. Just by being you – you brought smiles to a day that is full of pain and good-byes. You smiled, you helped brush away tears – you are awesome. It was the plan apparently for us to sit where we did. Your hugs and your kisses helped another “big girl” get through a day where she misses her Mommy. Thank you love for being you.

You won’t get this until you grow up and have babies of your own – and I don’t know if it is just me taking something to the extreme – or if every Mama feels this to the same extent that I do, but I get afraid sometimes. I get afraid that you’ll go away, that something sad will happen to you or to me or to Daddy. I wake up every morning thinking of you and thanking Jesus for giving you to me and Daddy. My favorite part of today was when just you and me where playing, you kept telling me “I got you!” and jumping on me with a hug and an infectious giggle. That giggle gets me every time, there’s no better sound in the whole entire world.

You have reaffirmed that my priorities are in line. I’ll take the hit professionally – who cares what their opinion of me is because I won’t commit to getting on planes and leaving you a lot? In the end, in 20 years from now, your opinion will matter. In the end – at the end when I have to go away – I won’t be thinking about a business meeting that was “critical”. No, I’ll be thinking about you and about your brothers and sisters yet to come and about Daddy – you are what matters. When the end is near, will I be able to look at you and tell you that I gave you all I could? The big grand vacations and new cars and big houses and all the coolest toys – they won’t be what matters – the sacrifices of missing out on your life and being with you won’t be worth it. No, it isn’t just making sure that I’m here for the recitals when you’re older or the big state games. No, they are wrong. It’s about the every day, it’s about getting to go play in the park. It’s about coloring the patio with chalk and jumping like frogs in the backyard – it’s about being here and knowing that I am your hero. That’s what it’s about. See, they have it backwards. I don’t want to look back at the end of my life with regret that I missed too many moments – no Wall Street number, no commission check, no big title on a business card is worth it. I want to look back and know that you and I – we got our moments, we created our memories, we were good together.

I love you so much.

Love,
Mama

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