Dear Prayse, You love being outside

Hi Lovey,

I have had so so so much fun with you the past week when we went to visit family in Arkansas. You were hilarious to watch as you ran around and played with your cousins. You love the great outdoors so much, being outside, getting dirty. That’s great. One of your Great Uncles said, “You know what I like best about her? She comes down here knowing nobody but isn’t afraid to get dirty!” It’s one way you charmed your great Aunts and Uncles into anything you wanted I think   There were sooo many new people, you’d come up to me, point and ask “Who’s that guy?”

There was one part your Grandad-Great would have been so proud of you. When you kept telling me you wanted to go fishing. You pretended to fish off of the back of this trailer, and boy did you catch some doozies with how much effort you put into pulling in that little rope. Then we sat in the back of one of the fam’s truck and you pointed to each and every little fishing lure and asked what it was. It’s a moment you would have loved to have shared with your Grandad-Great. He could have told you the names, what kind of fish you used them on, and when. I got as far as “bobbers”, “lures”, and “weights.” I’m going to have to take you fishing with your Grandad this summer. That’s for sure. Make it more of a concerted effort and schedule weekends.

I love you boo- I love that you want new experiences, to get dirty, to run outside, to get excited about riding 4-wheelers. I love all of that. And then you come inside and put on a princess dress, or wear a tiara to church – the perfect combo

Love,
Mama

My Lovey – You Are FUN!

My goodness babe – please don’t tell me the painfully obvious truth – that it has been this long since I’ve written you a letter. I am so sorry! I’m too busy with you in person You are the absolute JOY of Mama and Daddy’s life. I’ve had to travel more for work this year and it is a bummer – you are old enough to ask me not to go. You tell me “I go with you on the airplane!” It breaks my heart.

When I was gone last week, at school you called Miss Jennie over during nap time, this is what has been relayed to me:

“Miss Jennie, I don’t think I feel very well.”

“I’m sorry Prayse, do we need to cuddle.” (As you crawl into her lap).

“I don’t think I feel very well. I think I need my Mommy.”

Are two and a half year olds supposed to be conversing like this? It broke my heart, but made me so happy to hear that you love me so.  See here’s the thing, I never want you to think that I’m leaving you because I want to. Mama has a job that requires her to go see her clients – my clients are important to me, but never more important than you love.

Mama travels so that I can do my part with Daddy to make a life for you (and hopefully your future brothers and sisters). I could take a job that keeps me at home, and believe me, I have thought long and hard about that – but right now both Mommy and Daddy feel we can accomplish so much more as a family and for your future if I stick w/ what I’m doing.

I also want to teach you that you can reach for the sky – and get there. You are growing up to be so strong willed, so bright, you keep trying, I never want you to give up. I love your attitude, I love your spirit. I love that you push us and try us – it means you won’t be easily broken. God has given you such an amazing “toolkit” for life – now it’s up to Daddy and I to mold that into the woman that God wants you to be. We’re trying our hardest – loving each other and you the entire way.

We have an absolute BLAST together lately. We’ve always had fun, but the more you grow and converse the better it gets. You are great at using your imagination and we go on so many adventures together – many that shockingly follow similar plot lines as “Go Diego Go!” Hmmmm…. But you know what? I kind of like that you enjoy Diego and the excitement more than Dora – perfectly okay by me baby girl!

You love to play with your friends – who all are boys by the way – I’m going to have to start working on my friends to give you a little girl. Last night playing with Brecken and Easton they started wrestling (at 4 & 6 they have it down pat) – you? You literally jumped right on the pile, laughing the entire way. But then you will come right over and want to hold Baby Maddox – shushing him, rocking him, kissing him – you have the perfect balance. You are also wonderful at saying “Please” and “Thank You” – it’s awesome and adorable.

I love that you are tall, I love that you are graceful, I love that you are rough, I love that you are athletic – people will ask me if you are FOUR (which is outrageous by the way) and are surprised when I say you are 2.5 – if they could only be so lucky to have a daughter like you.

Daddy and I are blessed to have you. Thanks for making our lives so much fun.

Happy Birthday Sweet Girl

Hi ladybug, I love you so so so much! I posted a big birthday letter to you here:

http://clearepic.com/2009/07/happy-birthday-prayse/

Can’t wait to spend the day with you!

I Love You Lady!

Hey little lady,

I just wanted to write you a note to tell you how much I love you. You are growing up so fast. The past month especially has been an explosion of new vocabulary words, comprehension, and temper tantrums I’m loving every minute of it. You are totally a Momma’s girl. I love that part too!

We went to visit Lisa and MacKenzy this past weekend in Minneapolis. Girl you rocked it. You did so good on the plane and had so much fun there! It’s getting so exciting as I see you playing with other little kids and to see your grin. You are such a busy body. I like it that way though. People comment all the time on how busy you are – I don’t know anything different. And I think I’d get bored with a kid who just sat around and chilled (I say this and watch one of your future bros/sis be like this).

And girl, you are FAST!! At the age of 23 months you are a little track star. I’m so proud! You took off in Target the other day in Minneapolis and shot out of an aisle, I heard a guy say “Woah! Where’s your Mom?” And then I came running after about 2 seconds later commenting that you are just faster than me. It’s almost true! In Wal-Mart the other day there were not a lot of people around and so we were letting you run off some energy (it didn’t work : )). I realized that I was having to jog to keep up with you. Not walking fast taking bigger steps. JOG.  No pressure, but I do hope that you like track
Love you lady!

Mama

Dear Prayse – You Say The Darndest Things

Dear Miss P,

You are cracking me up lady! Oh my gosh I’m having the best time with you. You really have had a vocabulary explosion the last month. You mimic anything I say (the enunciation isn’t quite there but you are getting it) and you  just talk, talk, talk. The latest and my personal all-time favorite is that you are now calling Daddy “Monn”. Daddy can’t stand it and although I try to correct you- I crack up. Every. Single. Time.

This weekend I told you to go tell Daddy that lunch was ready. You knocked on his office walked in and said, “Hi Monn.” Daddy asked who was “Monn?” (wanting to see if you really knew) and you pointed right at him! He said “Me? Daddy?” You answered with a “Maaaaaaaaaaaay-Mooooooonnnnnnnn”!! I love it! I have obviously called out his name a lot and you are quick with it chica. So now I’ve been instructed to call him Daddy in front of you. I definitely will do so- as soon as I catch you on video

Love,
Mama

You are growing up so fast!

Dear Miss P,

My goodness girlie girl you are growing up! This weekend was a long weekend for Memorial Day and we had so so so much fun! I had to just stop and watch you as you played with your grandparents and Abbey and Misty (currently your very best friends in the whole entire world). You would venture outside by yourself to walk right up to them and give them hugs and pats (and countless cheerios, strawberries, cucumbers – poor dogs). I’d watch through the window as you ran back up to the house so excited and proud of yourself.

But you’re doing it, you are venturing farther and farther away by yourself. 10 yards may not seem like a lot – but it is. Before now it would be one word “Mama” with your hand held out and away we’d go, together. Now? Not even a thought about it. You are getting so independent. It’s what I want, ultimately. I want you to be a strong, independent woman who knows who she is and what she wants and will accept nothing but the best.  But to get there, we’ll be dealing with a strong, independent toddler who knows what she wants and will stop at nothing to get it. I love it.  I love the challenge. We’re going to have a good time together.

I love your stuborness. I laugh about it (behind your back). Lately – and yes I know this is a bad thing  – when I say the dreaded word “no” or “No Thank you” you are starting to draw your land in the sand babe. It’s a line I continually cross over in order to show that I am the Mama here – and you have a problem with it! Lately when I’ve pushed you too far and you simply are not going to do what I want you to – you stick out your tongue and blow it at me. It’s “spitting” without spitting. Everyone else around us is laughing and I cannot. I have to show you that it’s not acceptable – all the while thinking “you are so my child.”

Your grandma is loving this – apparently you and I are just alike. She shared some stories with us at your Uncle Redd’s football game last Saturday night. I am the little girl who:

1. Couldn’t wait to see the fish and so pulled down the entire cooler of fish fillets down – onto our carpeted kitchen floor.
2. Didn’t want to ask for help with the milk and so tried to get it myself, spilling the entire gallon of milk – onto our carpeted kitchen floor.
3. Was so squirmy in church that the gentlemen sitting behind your grandparents came up to them after the service and informed them that the now make medication for children like me.
4. Was at a Mothers and Daughters weekend at church camp and wanted to sing a solo. I was told by the director that there wasn’t any more room for me to sing – and so I marched right up there on Sunday and sang my solo anyway. I remember singing the solo, I do not remember being told I wasn’t supposed to.

So you see I guess we’re one in the same – it’s gonna be a wild ride!

Dear Prayse – You are my greatest blessing

You are 22 months old lady. Can you believe that? You are amazing, you are wonderful. You bring so much meaning to my life it’s unbelievable. You helped people today. A lot of people. I took you with me to a funeral today and was a little nervous because you’re not so much into sitting still. And to top it all off they ushered us to the front row – right across from Dana and his family. Just by being you – you brought smiles to a day that is full of pain and good-byes. You smiled, you helped brush away tears – you are awesome. It was the plan apparently for us to sit where we did. Your hugs and your kisses helped another “big girl” get through a day where she misses her Mommy. Thank you love for being you.

You won’t get this until you grow up and have babies of your own – and I don’t know if it is just me taking something to the extreme – or if every Mama feels this to the same extent that I do, but I get afraid sometimes. I get afraid that you’ll go away, that something sad will happen to you or to me or to Daddy. I wake up every morning thinking of you and thanking Jesus for giving you to me and Daddy. My favorite part of today was when just you and me where playing, you kept telling me “I got you!” and jumping on me with a hug and an infectious giggle. That giggle gets me every time, there’s no better sound in the whole entire world.

You have reaffirmed that my priorities are in line. I’ll take the hit professionally – who cares what their opinion of me is because I won’t commit to getting on planes and leaving you a lot? In the end, in 20 years from now, your opinion will matter. In the end – at the end when I have to go away – I won’t be thinking about a business meeting that was “critical”. No, I’ll be thinking about you and about your brothers and sisters yet to come and about Daddy – you are what matters. When the end is near, will I be able to look at you and tell you that I gave you all I could? The big grand vacations and new cars and big houses and all the coolest toys – they won’t be what matters – the sacrifices of missing out on your life and being with you won’t be worth it. No, it isn’t just making sure that I’m here for the recitals when you’re older or the big state games. No, they are wrong. It’s about the every day, it’s about getting to go play in the park. It’s about coloring the patio with chalk and jumping like frogs in the backyard – it’s about being here and knowing that I am your hero. That’s what it’s about. See, they have it backwards. I don’t want to look back at the end of my life with regret that I missed too many moments – no Wall Street number, no commission check, no big title on a business card is worth it. I want to look back and know that you and I – we got our moments, we created our memories, we were good together.

I love you so much.

Love,
Mama

Dear Prayse – Never Apologize For Who You Are

Or what your priorities are. No matter what, if you have them lined up the way they should and are making sacrifices – don’t ever apologize for that. If you want to be a high powered woman in the workforce busting through glass ceilings and put your family on hold – don’t apologize. If you want to go get your PHD and then stay home with your babies when you have them – don’t apologize for it. If you want to try to do what today seems impossible and be the best all three woman in the workplace, wife, and Mama – don’t apologize for it. Do what you need to do – follow your dreams, your heart and sometimes there are sacrifices to be made.

I personally hope that the sacrifices come in other areas besides your family and children – but only you can make that choice. And someday, it will have to be made – actually not just a day, it’s a decision that you’ll face time and time again. It sucks, it is hard.

I’ve had to sacrifice some respect of colleagues who don’t have the same priorities as I do because I want to stay home with you on Fridays – it’s okay. I  am reminded of it at very vulnerable times, probably not on accident. Guess what? To me, it’s worth it. I love you, it will always be worth it to me. And I’ll support your decisions when the time comes – you can come vent and complain and yell to me, I’ll be here.

Love,

Mama

Dear Prayse – I Still Miss You

Praysie – I’m away from you again. I called your daycare and you didn’t understand that I was on the phone. You kept telling your teacher “Mama wok. Mama wok.” I am struggling. You’ll probably not believe me later but I miss you so so so so much.

I really am doing this so that we can work to get out of debt, so that we can build wealth, so that we can change our family tree and teach you and love you and spend time with you later.

I miss you lovey and I love you more than you’ll ever know. I can’t wait to take a weekend and spend it in Kansas City as a family. I’ve gotten a lot of good ideas here. We’ll have a lot of fun.

Love,

Mama

Dear Prayse – I miss you when I’m gone

Hi lovey. I traveled this week for work, I went to a business meeting in Toronto. Left Sunday morning and came back Monday night – I was so excited when I walked in and even though it was past your bedtime you were sleepy, laying on Daddy’s chest. It was the best part of my trip, knowing I’d get to cuddle and rock you to sleep.

My job has been amazing in allowing me to stay home and not be in the road as much. I get to work from home on Fridays and hang out with you. But I still struggle with traveling, as good as it was and as needed as it was. I struggle. Your Dad sent me a text Sunday night that you kept asking for me. Even after he told you that “Mama work” it didn’t stop you. It made me want to cry. You and I are buds, your little toosh gets put in Time Out sometimes, but we are buddies. I don’t want you to miss me.

Your Grandma is one smart cookie. I remember her telling me the whole time I was pregnant with you that I’d want to stay home, that a Mother’s heart is to be with her children. I laughed her off, shrugged her off, and told her she was just plain wrong. Guess what? I was the one who was  just plain wrong. I like my job and what I do – but I miss you. You LOVE KB and going there and it is so good for you. But I get jealous, they get to have fun with you every day and see you develop and say funny things and laugh, run, and play. I want to do that.

When you grow up, I want you to be strong and intelligent and successful. I know you will be. But be careful of letting other people define success for you. Right now I cannot stay home with you because we could not live on Daddy’s salary. He is amazing at what he does and has taken  a job to help him learn more about his craft and passion, even though it doesn’t pay well. It is an admirable thing to do.

Daddy and I also have some financial goals to get us set up so that 1- you will have wealth (it is a great responsibility – I pray we’ll teach you correctly) and 2 – we’ll be debt free. I am hoping you’ll never get yourself into debt – we can change our family tree.

It’s definitely a work in progress and you are the one who makes it all worth it. I love you babe.

Love,

Mama